You know, the only person who has made me regret the most in life is myself. 🙂

And there’s a huge difference between turning on some music, finding some lyrics, and pretending you’re on some amazing life journey, convincing yourself that you just haven’t gotten to the interesting parts yet, and actually getting out there and living your life.

From what I can tell, the people who LIVE and the lyric posters are almost mutually exclusive.
In my own life, it’s been either one or the other.

It’s also been a good while since I’ve done something fun and stupid.

Also Tumblr is really bad for your creativity. 99% of it is just blogs of other people’s content almost never attributed correctly. Reblogging everything that inspires me.. well that seems silly now that I really think about it. Pinterest though, that’s where it’s at. TOTALLY DIFFERENT AMIRITE?

I’m also out of food.

I think all this talk about getting out there and living is probably just me trying to muster enough motivation to drag myself to walmart which is five minute away.

Dinner was walnuts and fruit tea. That’s actually pretty much all the edible food in the house.

But you know I’m already chilling in my bra and shorts and getting dressed and going to walmart at 11pm is going just get me stabbed so this means I have to find lyrics right?

Well I actually tried to find lyrics and there only lyrics about being hungry for money or women.

I probably sound like I’m high now.
As if I’ve ever been edgy enough to smoke weed. Please. The halo is way too tight on this bitch.

I have back and forth feelings about getting married. As in.. I so badly want to get married to Jeremy. However the idea of leaving behind my unbridled youth is a frighteningly exhilarating thought.

It’s the same kind of apprehension I felt when I was about to start High School, College, and my Job. It’s knowing there’s an incoming change in the wind, a new kind of surge in the waves and wondering if your sails are strong enough, your skills ready, and your soul fills and empties at the same time with emotion.

It kinda hit me hard when Ruvini, Rajeev’s fiancée sent me a card with Mr & Mrs. Jeremy Stone on it.

I was like.. zomg.

It’s actually a pretty great feeling.

And yet I want to run away sometimes. But I only ever run into Jeremy’s arms.

My emotions about the identity of my self are strong. I understand the strength of a name. The legacy of being a Moses. I am not fully willing to give that up yet. I remind myself that who I am isn’t five letters on paper. It’s the blood that flows within me, my spirit that remains unbroken, and the strength of my forefathers and foremothers.

No name change can take that away… but a name change can make me feel a sense of loss… and gain. It’s all so confusing.

I’ve been using my new 50 – 250mm lens outside. Once I got my hands on that beautiful 70-200mm f2.8L lens the itch too go telephoto again too much.I barely lasted two weeks before hit the buy button on Amazon and got my lens two days later.  It’s a nice sharp copy of the lens and while it certainly has focusing flaws, I’m probably being unfair comparing a $200 lens to a $2500 dollar one.

The bokeh is creamy. I do love it and don’t mind the majority of the flaws at all! Love getting back into flower photography.

I also had a telephone conversation with my mother. She wasn’t mean to me. That was awesome.
You know, I want so badly to be friends with my mother. This is why it upsets me so much when she speaks to me like an inferior, stupid child. Maybe one day. Maybe never. But the truth is, I need her respect. And if I need to get it by limiting the opportunities to disrespect me, that’s a start. It’s been two weeks since we’ve had any conversation of substance. So far it’s been great.

I’m always hoping it will get better… one day it’ll be good.

Tonight I am going to play Diablo III in an attempt to catch up with Henry who is now 14 levels ahead of me. Also it’s a reward for my hard work and uberproductivity today! 🙂

My dreams can get so strange. Last night I dreamt I was a man in my mid forties who was embezzling funds from his company. The secretary was about to find out when I began to use my manly charms to seduce her so she wouldn’t notice. I woke up right as I was about to strip her in a locked office.

All I could think as I woke up was what. the. fuck.

—

This weekend was another good one. The weather was near perfect the whole weekend. I got to be outside a lot and spent it with both my family and Jeremy’s family.

More wedding work this week. We’re booking the ’61 Rolls Royce that’ll drive us around for fun and I’m meeting with another wedding decorator in Buford at 4pm on Friday.

Work!

Man I have never felt as good about myself as I do when I haven’t spoken to my mom in so long. Phone conversations with her were just bad for me!

I’ve also noticed that the unhealthy conversations made me think of her way too much and way too negatively. This period of mental separation is WAY nice.

I have been helping an intern at work. She’s super eager and also very good at focusing and producing a good product. They’ve clearly been preparing her at her school for real life product development. This is a far cry from what I learned at Georgia Tech which was so much abstract stuff my mind could explode. I wish I had spent more time learning real applicable programming and software building stuffs.

Now I’m just full of creative energies and nowhere to put them.

It’s almost Friday. Which means it’s almost hang out with Jeremy time. I am happy by myself but he sure makes the day a little sweeter..

He’s the ecstasy to my rave. <3